“Move forward Fearlessly, and never look back.”
Learning to love ourselves is essential in becoming our truest self. Yet, our self-love journey is not going to be all “milk and honey”! Sometimes learning to love ourselves may even be painful. Especially, when we have to come face to face with our fears, self-sabotaging behaviors and negative thought patterns. And, even being faced with an unwanted decision to disconnect from loved ones who don’t support our continued self-love growth.
To be quite honest, I have been faced with these “self-love” road blocks many times during my short 1 1/2 year self-love journey. To be completely transparent, I currently being faced with a decision to step away from a person that I love dearly. Yet, the relationship is very toxic and one-sided. This loved on just doesn’t seem to want to get on board with the new and improved “self-love” me. They want the “old” me. The me that said, “Yes” all the time at the expense of my own happiness. The “me” who put everyone else’s needs before my own.
I have been waiting for this loved one to realize how critical it was (and is) for me to start learning to love myself better. I’ve been waiting for them to support me and receive me with open arms. And, I’ve been desperately waiting for this person to grow with me.
However, I’m finally accepting that this is just not going to occur–at least not in the time frame I’m able to give. You see I have to move on with my life–I deserve this! I’ve come so far on my self-love journey and I don’t want to go back to that same unhappy and angry place (before starting to love myself). So, what’s a “self-love girl” to do? I seem to be faced with continuing to love myself or still allowing “toxic” people in my life–all in the name of LOVE.
This is when I really had to put to the test all that I had learned about myself. I came to a pivotal point that I would have to decide how far am I wiling to travel down this self-love road. Will I be able to make those difficult…even heart breaking decisions to live the life I deserve and want? Or do I keep allowing this loved one to not respect my healthy boundaries, continue to be non-supportive and/or even be sabotaging at times? Yes, I LOVE them! Yet, what about me? What about self-love?
The answer was crystal clear!
You see the answer was always clear. Learning to love myself has allowed me to accept and respect everyone else’s journey as well. The “problem” was never due to the other person’s actions or prospective. It all had to do with me attempting to control and force someone to accept the “new” and improved me. I’m happy with the personal and lifestyle changes I have made thus far. Yet, I had to realize that many of my past relationships (even with this loved one) were all made with the Lanise who didn’t love herself. The Lanise who was overly nice just for everyone to like her. The Lanise who constantly hid who I truly were. The “old” me would have never thought twice to put someone’s else’s comfort and wants ahead of my own. This is who this person wanted–and this “old” me was long gone.
I will continue to love this person. And as painful as this decision is. I have to accept this experience as part of my self-love growth too. I’m going to experience some “unwanted”; yet, very essential growing pains. My self-love journey will not always be greeted with all “kisses and hugs”. And, that’s alright!
I now see how STRONG I have become! I’m walking away in love, no regrets, no anger and no looking back. I had to accept that I can only give the same love I have for myself to them. I could only give them my truest self because that’s the Lanise they deserve, even if at this time they can’t see this for themselves. I only hope that one day they can see just how much I wanted them in my life…how much I needed them in my life–and have a change of HEART!
Your self-love journey is NOT going to be without pain, tears and heartbreak. All of this is making room for new experiences and new healthy relationships. In turn, my decision to step away from this person who I love so dearly–at least for now was essential for my happiness and peace. In the end, I had to stop being an enabler just to allow others (and myself) to the stay in their comfort zone. I had to do what is best for me and LOVE myself too!
I’m moving forward FEARLESSLY!